hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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