do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
