I'm gonna have a badass scar
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
