listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
