but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
