My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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