Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
