Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
