When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
