Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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