Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
