I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
