Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
