...so i touched it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
