I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
