and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
