found the other keg... it's in the tree
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
