dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
