Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.

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(301): View more from Maryland

i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend

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(+61): View more from Australia

i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be

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(712): View more from Iowa

I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.

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(806): View more from Texas

Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.

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