Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
