summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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