Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
