She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
