You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
