I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
