I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
