I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
