I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Four minutes until I can fart!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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