But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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