mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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