im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
