come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
