He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
