I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize