just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
