i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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