So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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