my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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