I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
