Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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