Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
