I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize