mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
