when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
