i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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