youre lurking in front of me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
