this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
