he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
