I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
