I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
