keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
