you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
