call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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