Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
