Yo dont text me then not text me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
