Cold hands, warm shart.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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