a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
