Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
