remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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