we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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