Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
