the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize