He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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