I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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