Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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