dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
