is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
