I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
