the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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