why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
