His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
