is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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