Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it glows. i had to have it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
