Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
