we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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