with your own penis?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
