Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
