i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
