How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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