Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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