I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
