I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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