Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
