even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
