Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
