I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
