When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
