She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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