just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
