I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
