theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
