just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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