you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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