I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We left the knife in your bed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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