happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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